United Airlines FA:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we’d like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called “touchdown.”
Pilot to Tower
Pilot to Tower: Pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!
Tower to pilot: Tower to pilot . . . repeat after me: “Our Father, which art in heaven . . .”