By Kendra Collins

I just got back from five days in NYC with my tween daughter. Have you ever seen that bumper sticker that reads, “Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up, and Hold On!”? The trip felt a little like that, but in a good way.

It was intense.

I was prepared for the trip in a literal way. I had dozens of recommendations for Things To Do With A Tween In NYC. I had scanned all the usual guidebooks. I had also lived in New York for a couple of years. So I thought I was prepared. But I really wasn’t.

With that in mind, here are some things I wish I had known, in case you decide to make the trip yourself. (By the way, I highly recommend it – just read this first!):

1. Get ready for a little Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde action from your tween.

When Mr. Hyde appears, trust me when I tell you that it does no good to yell, “Do you know how much I am spending on this trip?!?” Just take a deep breath and do some silent chanting in your head. Om Namah Shivaya.

2. Practice your moves.

Before you leave home, help your tween to practice walking down the street in a straight line. I am serious. You can also help her to practice not leaning off stair rails into the sidewalk, because some creepy man might yell at her and elbow her on purpose in the head for good measure. I am serious. Now might also be a good time to have that conversation about how there are many different kinds of people in the world, and New York is home to a lot of those different people.

3. A little responsibility goes a long way.

If you give your tween more responsibility than usual, you’ll get paid back in spades. Little things can make a big difference here. Let her hold onto her own MetroCard. Trust her to go into the bathroom by herself. Don’t “helicopter parent” her. Just make sure you have a plan in case you do get separated. Of course this won’t happen! But just in case it does.

4. Keep it moving, but don’t move too quickly.

It’s all too easy to get swept up in the great tidal waves of people flowing through the streets and subway stations. One minute you’re calmly checking out the window displays at Bloomies, and the next thing you know you’re sprinting down 3^rd Avenue with the rest of the pack. You can stop the madness by simply stepping off to the side and slowing down. We saw so many interesting details and random curiosities that we definitely would have otherwise overlooked. A couple of our favorites: reading the golden sidewalk plaques on Library Way, and listening to the golden sounds of a saxophone in the subway passages beneath Grand Central Station.

5. Enjoy the age.

Remember when your tween was a toddler, and you had to plan your schedule around naps? Remember when you had to eat dinner at 5 pm if you wanted to go to an upscale restaurant? Gone are those days. Take an evening and savor your current situation: go to that fancy restaurant at 8 pm! Then cab it across town and enjoy dessert somewhere else! Hey – you can always take a nap tomorrow.

6. Don’t just do it to check it off your list.

Our least favorite activity was taking the Staten Island Ferry to catch a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty. Huge crowds, many cameras, not much fun. And unfortunately, once we got on the ferry, there was no turning back – we had to see it through. We agreed afterward that we had each felt the need to do it because we felt obligated, and we both wished we had those two hours of time back. On the other hand, we loved walking across the Brooklyn Bridge – perhaps because we were able to do it on our own schedule, pausing along the way whenever we felt like it. My advice: consider your own travel style as you plan. Since our style is active, outdoorsy, and flexible, of course being a captive audience on the ferry ride was not a great choice for us – but we both ignored that. We laughed that the activity almost felt like “peer pressure” from the guidebooks. Oddly appropriate for a tween trip; it was a good “teachable moment.”

7. Keep your sense of humor.

I’ve always loved New York. When I was a kid, one of my younger brothers made up a song about me to the tune of “On Broadway”. It was titled, very originally, “They Say That Kendra’s Butt Is Fat On Broadway”. Sometimes, when I tell this to my friends, they are scandalized. Growing up with three younger brothers, I had to learn to pick my battles – I had to know when to fight and when to laugh. This skill comes in handy in New York City. Like when we were running late for our return flight, and the airport bus slammed its doors in our faces and roared off because we told the driver we were going to United Airlines. What? Hilarious. Really, we almost peed in our pants because we were laughing so hard.

8. Go big – but help your tween narrow it down.

Including your tween in the planning process will ensure that the trip is a smash hit for both of you. The fact that New York’s motto seems to be “Go Big Or Go Home” means that it can be overwhelming, unless you are selective. Focus on your tween’s interests and go from there. My daughter was recently in a school musical; she played the part of the lion in The Wizard Of Oz. Guess what we made sure to do while we were in New York? Yep, we scored great seats for Wicked, and we loved every minute of it.

9. Give her a budget and stick to it.

After our first day in the city, both my feet and my pocketbook were hurting. All of those little baubles and bangles and snacks and goodies you buy on the go can really add up! The next day, I got smart and set a budget for my tween, which was a good thing because it meant that she had to really think through the critical question of how much she really wanted the electric blue baseball cap with allover spikes. (Answer: not enough to spend her entire budget on it. Mercifully.)

10. At the end of the day, all they want to do is be close to you.

Sometimes it may seem like your tween can’t push you far enough away, but in their heart of hearts, they crave a deep connection with you as much as you want one with them. My favorite moments on our trip happened at the very end of each day, when my daughter and I snuggled in the same bed and she let me stroke her hair, just as I had done when she was a little girl.

It was intense. But in such a good way.

Kendra Collins is a luxury bargain hunter and an avid points and miles collector with a lot of stories to tell. She chronicles her adventures and details her finds on her blog, Points and Pixie Dust.